Madison, Wisconsin schools demonstrate real intelligence
As reported in the Wisconsin State Journal, zero tolerance policies applied blindly are not the only way or best way to approach school discipline.
The Madison school district has introduced a “fix-it plan” alternative to the standard discipinary measures. The students involved (such as in a schoolyard fight) are given the option of coming up with their own plan for discipline. The one described in the article had two fighting children electing to spend two days of recess playing catch with a football with each other exclusively.
The system is working. This particular article has a lot of information about the positive benefits and you should read it now. Next time someone tells you zero tolerance is the right solution for school discipline, describe Madison’s solution as a total rebuttal of that contention.
This school is allowing students to use critical thinking to establish non-combative, productive ways of resolving their own issues? And it’s working???
BLASPHEMY!
Everyone KNOWS that Zero Tolerance is the ONLY SURE WAY to handle educational problems! Arrest the troublemakers! Toss ‘em in jail! What’s WRONG with these administrators??!?!?!?
The preceding has been a message from the Zero Tolerance Sarcasm Institute.
Speaking on behalf of the governing body for The Institute for Tolerating Zero Sarcasm….er, The Tolerance of Sarcasm in Zero Institutes…, I mean The Institutionalized Zeros with Sarcastic Tolerance, we feel that the referenced article is a shining example of how this concept is being utilized on our campus as well.
We have, in fact, turned to role models in the celebrity community to help teach these concepts to the enrolled students to help them make the correct choices in dealing with their self punishment.
On our current staff we have the following “Celebrity Mentors”
Ray Lewis is our conflict management mentor. He goes to great lengths to instill the following goals for reaching settlements with the disciplinary board.
- Offer to serve any punishment during the summer break, from home.
- Promise to not stab, anyone
- When in doubt, bribe the baby.
He comes to us as our tenured resident, John McEnroe, has departed, citing an inability to take the program seriously.
Our interim Substance Abuse Mentor is Britney Spears, she is currently filling the position as our permanent mentor, Lindsay Lohan, has begun taking an extended sabbatical at Promises……she’ll be back on Friday, kids, don’t worry.
Lastly, our Responsibility Acceptance Mentor is Paris Hilton. Her current contract was for 2 years, but due to some technicality, it was reduced to 6 months, then she backed out of the senten…..I mean position all together only to have our Superintendent re-impose her contract for the full 2 years. Don’t mind her complexion. She’s just turning blue from holding her breath.
As you can see we hope to have a success rate of nearly 1% as the role models of our kids’ world are at the ready to solve all our kids problems, leaving our tuition paying parents to explore their inner child in Switzerland while MTV and PS3 tend to the kids.
In all seriousness, it’s very nice to see an educational institution actually using some brains and not just passing kids through or out of the system all together.
Oh, and Ray………. Kings Field!
Mike,
Get in touch with me at burtoff@yahoo.com